Euro 2008: 15 days to go...

With just over two weeks to go before Euro 2008 gets underway, we felt it was time to get down to the serious business of talking about the really important issue surrounding this year's European Championships.

No, not whether Cristiano Ronaldo will finish as top scorer, nor whether Greece can retain their title. The really important question we need to ask is: Which country has the best team bus?

Once again, those crazy tournament co-ordinators have commissioned some specially designed coaches to ferry the Euro 2008 squads around from venue to venue, and once again you can be assured of two things: (1) They're brightly coloured, and (2) they have a slogan printed on them which is either banal, badly translated into English, incomprehensible or an impressive combination of all three.

Older visitors to SPAOTP may recall we had this conversation almost exactly two years ago in only our fourth ever article. We were building up to the 2006 World Cup and were revelling in the delightful novelty value of having team buses that had individually selected slogans chosen from thousands of entries from each country in question.

How we laughed back then, and how we'll roll our eyes with disillousionment now as we realise they've taken the same approach for Euro 2008. Oh well, let's get this over and done with...

WELCOME, EVERYONE, TO THE EURO 2008 PARADE OF COACHES!

First of all, it's co-host Austria with this delightful vision in red...


Their slogan: "Only together we can win…!" (Huh, yeah - and half of the Brazil team as well, if they'll play...)

Next up it's France sporting a slick blue livery...



Their slogan: "Live together, celebrate together" (...and if all else fails, call a national strike, presumably...)

On now to Greece who arrive at the tournament in this white and blue apparition...



Their slogan: "One team one dream!" (...one plate of moussaka and a pint of ouzo as well, please...)

And here comes the Dutch bus in what else but bright orange!



Their slogan: "1 mission, 1 feeling, together we are orange" (Rejected slogan: '1 dream, 1 goal, 1 prize, 1 goal, 1 golden glance... of what should be... it's a kind of magic.')

Next, onto the Poland coach and a clean red and white look that's bound to impress the crowd...



Their slogan: "…because only sport and good fun counts!" (but if Poland are eliminated at the end of the First Round, we'll sack the manager anyway...)

Trailing in towards the back is the Portuguese coach with their contrasting colour scheme of red and green...



Their slogan: "This coach is driven by the Will to Win" (...or if absent, Senhor José da Silva - he's just passed his test, you see...)

Now it's Spain following on from their near neighbours, and what a vivid shade of red and yellow that is...



Their slogan: "Whatever happens, SPAIN ALWAYS" (...'fails to reach the knock-out stage'? Is that the end of the sentence you couldn't fit on?)

Finally it's our other co-hosts, Switzerland, in yet another red coach. When you've seen one, you've seen 'em all, I suppose...



Their slogan: "Final destination: Vienna" (or jump on the 169 in Zurich High Street if it's the terminus you're after...)

The Sack Factor

Well well well, another Premier League manager gets the chop and it's none other than Newcastle United's Sam Allardyce. That makes him the eighth top-flight head coach to be shown the door in the space of five months. I know there's always been a hire-and-fire-'em culture in England when it comes to football management, but was it always as bad as this?

With eight men gone, it means there's now only twelve remaining who must surely be starting to feel the tightness of their shirt collars at this point. By the time I've typed up this article, we'll probably lose another one, so without further ado let's see if we can work out who's next for the guillotine.

Arsene Wenger
Practically part of the furniture at the Emirates and a man who can seemingly do no wrong. Unlikely to lose his job anytime soon, but surely the Chairman must have been hoping The Gunners would have won the Champions League by now? Cause for dismissal?
Sack Odds: 250/1

Martin O'Neill
Most people will say he needs a bit more time to weave his magic before Villa start achieving, but with the club now up to seventh in the table, perhaps change is already underway? That said, Villa sack their managers almost as often as they get a new kit deal, so don't bet against it…
Sack Odds: 50/1

Mark Hughes
Blackburn seem resolutely content to keep Sparky in the manner to which he's become accustomed, and that's perhaps because they're not too ambitious in what they hope to achieve. He's not won anything yet, but he has moved them forward by getting them into the UEFA Cup and the top half of the Premier League table. A bad run of form could see him out of a job, though…
Sack Odds: 33/1

David Moyes
Everything in the garden's rosy for Moyes at the moment. They're in the Carling Cup semi-finals, the last 32 of the UEFA Cup and are up to 6th in the Premier League. Again, no silverware in the cabinet so far for the Scot, but he's proved he can point the team in the right direction. No change, we feel.
Sack Odds: 80/1

Rafa Benitez
Those Scousers still expect the earth, and who can blame them when they've won so much in the past. Rafa's still trying to reproduce those glory days and you can never write him off, but having almost been eliminated from the Champions League a couple of months ago and with an illogical fondness for squad rotation, maybe that distant sound of grumbling will start getting louder…
Sack Odds: 50/1

Sven-Goran Eriksson
To recent an arrival to be seriously considered for the sack. Not only that, but he's guided Man City up to fourth in the table. Nosebleeds all round for fans of the club, then. Barely a hope in hell of being dismissed… unless he gets distracted by skirt once again.
Sack Odds: 200/1

Sir Alex Ferguson
Retire, maybe, but you can't sack Lord Alex of Ferguson, can you? Nah, come on - it'd be like selling your granny. No, don't even think about it. Impossible…
Sack Odds: 500/1

Gareth Southgate
…but then at the other end of the scale is the former England defender who always had a keen eye for a penalty shoot-out. He might be best mates with chairman Steve Gibson, but Southgate's giving much cause for concern through his underachievement. He's been constantly touted as the next manager to get the sack for the last three years, and he's only been managing for the last year and a half. Now that's bad.
Sack Odds: 12/1

Harry Redknapp
He has his ups and downs, does Harry, but right now his Portsmouth side's riding the crest of the wave. They’re eighth in the league and a UEFA Cup place looks well within reach this season so what could possibly go wrong (apart from half your team leaving this month to play in the African Nations Cup?) He's doing a good job at the moment, and we don't see that changing.
Sack Odds: 66/1

Steve Coppell
This time last year, we were all raving about the job Steve Coppell had done at Reading. Now, they're on the slide, albeit slowly. Consistency has been the keyword for Coppell and he's struggled to find it with his players this season. There's every chance he could turn it around and has the time to do it, but if the relegation trap door comes into view, who knows what might happen?
Sack Odds: 25/1

Roy Keane
Speaking of relegation, that's what Sunderland are currently staring in the face. Other newly-promoted clubs Derby and Birmingham have already shown no mercy in giving the boot to the men that got them promoted in the first place, but then again has it done them any good? Keano needs to start finding decent results and fast otherwise it'll be back to dog-walking again…
Sack Odds: 10/1

Alan Curbishley
Curbs managed to see out the end of last season by steering The Hammers away from the drop and now things are going altogether much better. They're into the top half of the table and have even proved that beating the likes of Man United isn't beyond their capabilities. A UEFA Cup place might be a bridge too far, but Curbishley's already won the board and the fans over with West Ham's improved form, so no need to panic, we feel.
Sack Odds: 66/1

Blatter - Man of the Fifties...

It's something no decent person should have to face first thing in the morning: a picture of Sepp Blatter staring out at you from your newspaper. Talk about a bad start to your day...

And why was he taking up valuable column inches on this particular occasion? Because the English FA (shock horror) have dared to appoint a head coach for its national team that isn't English. You've got to hand it to him - he's as sharp as a tack when it comes to this sort of thing.

Did no-one tell him about Sven? Oh well, never mind. Anyway, Von Blatter of Switzerland has hauled out his trusty old soapbox once again and proclaimed to anyone that'll listen that it's "a little surprising that the motherland of football has ignored a sacrosanct law or belief that the national team manager should be from the same country as the players."

And fair enough to. Next time I see Owen Hargreaves, I'll ask him if there are any decent managers in Canada that might be interested in being a future head of the England team.

He went on to say: "In fact, most of the best teams have a coach from their own country." As I didn't believe him for a moment, I thought I'd check this out to see if he was right. To my amazement, he was. Out of FIFA's top 20 highest-ranked teams, only four have a foreign manager, one of which is Fabio Capello of England, the others being Portugal's Luiz Felipe Scolari (Brazil), Greece's Otto Rehhagel (Germany) and Nigeria's Berti Vogts (Germany).

But that's about all Sepp Blatter is right about. It may have been the case once upon a time that a national team should have a manager from the same country, but that's no longer the case. What remains the same is the desire by a great many international football associations (and their fans) to see their team do well, play better and perhaps even win something.

We're not living in the 1950's anymore. If there's a coach out there that can bring a change in fortunes to a team and bring a smile back to the faces of the supporters, who the hell cares? We're not so precious when it comes to buying our cars. If we were, we British would still be driving around in Austin Allegros and Morris Marinas.

So let's just run this past you one more time, Sepp old son. It's an open market out there. A country can choose who it likes to be its head coach, and that's been the case for a long time now, so can you please remember that you're supposed to be taking the game forward into a modern era and shut up now?

The Friday List of Little or No Consequence #35

The Director's Vote of Confidence
11 Managers and Coaches Who Have Parted Company With Their British Teams During October 2007

1. John Gregory (Queens Park Rangers)
2. Dick Campbell (Ross County)
3. John Coughlin (Berwick Rangers)
4. Willie Donachie (Millwall)
5. Peter Taylor (Crystal Palace)
6. Peter Grant (Norwich City)
7. John Schofield (Lincoln City)
8. Steve Thompson (Notts County)
9. Sammy Lee (Bolton Wanderers)
10. Neil Watt (Ayr United)
11. Martin Jol (Tottenham Hotspur)

A few words on the Coach...

Anyone remember the 1974 World Cup? No? Thought not. Well anyway, back then the Finals of the world's greatest football competition were held in West Germany and were a great success. During the opening ceremony, fans in the Olympic Stadium, Munich, were treated to a parade of coaches driven around the athletics track, each one adorned in the colours of each country taking part in the tournament.

Yes, those crazy Krauts certainly know how to party. Anyway, with the World Cup being held in Germany once again this year, the organising committee thought it'd be a spiffing wheeze to have yet another parade of coaches in the opening ceremony. To add to the fun, FIFA organised a competition on its website where fans from around the world were asked to provide a slogan to be displayed on the coach of their national team.

Sadly my entry - "National Express to Heathrow from £18" - wasn't chosen for the England coach, but I'd say they missed a trick there. The advertising revenue alone could have made it worth while.

Instead the winning entry for England's coach was "One Nation, One Trophy, Eleven Lions." Or 23 lions to be exact. Wouldn't be worth having a huge coach for just eleven, would it?

So what slogans will be appearing on the sides of the other national coaches? Let's have a proper snipe at the best of those on offer:

Argentina: "Get up, Argentina are on the move"
The last time they said that was before the Falklands invasion. Be warned...

Brazil: "Vehicle monitored by 180 million Brazilian hearts"
What?!?

Costa Rica: "Our army is the team, our weapon is the ball. Let's go to Germany and give it our all"
Clearly a country looking for a war. Has George Bush been informed?

Ivory Coast: "Come on the Elephants! Win the cup in style"
I'll let you make up your own jokes for that one...

Iran: "Stars of Persia"
More appropriate might have been "Go Nuclear With Iran", perhaps...

Netherlands – "Oranje on the road to gold"
...and banned substances on the way from Amsterdam, presumably...

Spain: "Spain. One country, one goal"
...which is the total number they usually score during the World Cup...

Switzerland: "2006, it's Swiss o'clock"
Er...

Sweden: "Fight! Show spirit! Come on! You have the support of everyone"
Not so much a slogan - more a rambling conversation, really...

And before we descend into even more ardent cynicism, check out the others at http://fifaworldcup.yahoo.com/06/en/060508/1/6pzk.html or why not submit your own suggestions for other World Cup coaches?