Mascot Masquerade

Maybe we're getting old, but the launching of the new mascot for the 2010 World Cup has made us feel that people sometimes take things a bit too seriously.

At the Soccer City Stadium in Johannesburg yesterday, world football's governing body unveiled the latest in a long line of cuddly and lovable characters who, it's hoped, will convey the element of fun that the World Cup holds within.

For the next competition in South Africa, FIFA's World Cup mascot will be a leopard called Zakuni, and it's at this point that we feel obliged to go through our SPAOTP Mascot Feature Checklist.

So let's see… Inane grin? Check… Ill-fitting uniform in the colours of the home nation? Check… Bulging eyes suggesting an underlying serious prostate problem? Check…

Yes, it's all a bit predictable, frankly. The designers have fallen into the trap of using the tried and trusted three step procedure to create the end product, namely (1) Find out which country the competition's going to be held in, (2) Pick an animal / food item / inanimate object associated with that country, and (3) Give it a quirky and if possible stereotypical name that people will hopefully remember.

On that last point, one can at least point to a little bit of originality this time. The name 'Zakuni' comes from 'ZA' (the native abbreviation for 'South Africa') and 'Kuni' meaning '10' in numerous African languages. All well and good, but we guarantee you'll be calling it Zucchini before the week's out.

Once upon a time, it was almost mandatory for any mascot's name to have the phrase 'ito' at the end, as in Juanito (Mexico '70), Gauchito (Argentina '78) and Naranjito (Spain '82 - left). Nowadays, there's a lot more flexibility on both the naming and design of the character to be used. The trouble is, the more originality you employ, the less comprehensible it is to the consumers - sorry, fans - around the world.

Back in 1990, the Italians went back to basics and came up with a mascot which was based on a traditional children's toy made out of building bricks with a football for a head. It had no face, no inane grin and consequently no way of endearing itself with the general public. As for the three amorphous blobs called 'Ato', 'Kaz' and 'Nik' created for the 2002 World Cup in Japan and South Korea, they arrived with all the appeal of a smoker's handkerchief after a heavy cold.

But whatever the mascot looks like, it's the accompanying corporate spiel that really irritates us. FIFA need only send round a picture of the character to all and sundry and leave it at that, but no. This is the 21st century, therefore it's essential (as far as they're concerned) to give us a vomit-inducing diatribe telling us what the mascot represents.

On this occasion, we're treated to a particularly fine piece of marketing claptrap which states that Zucchini - sorry, Zakuni - "represents the people, geography and spirit of South Africa, personifying in essence the 2010 FIFA World Cup. He symbolizes South Africa and the rest of the African continent through his self-confidence, pride, hospitality, social skills and warm-heartedness."

Lucas Radebe added his two-penneth worth by saying "[Zakuni] wants to create a good mood for the fans and raise the excitement for the 2010 FIFA World Cup, the first on African soil. He is a proud South African and wants to ensure that the world will come together in South Africa." All those years playing for Leeds United have clearly taken their toll, bless him.

So with all that in mind, how difficult can it be to create a mascot for the 2014 World Cup in Brazil? The answer: easy - and to prove it, here's what we've come up with…

The Friday List of Little or No Consequence #46

Just for the kids
10 English Football Team Mascots

1. Gunnersaurus Rex (Arsenal)
2. Chester the Field Mouse (Chesterfield)
3. Captain Blade (Sheffield United)
4. Deepdale Duck (Preston North End)
5. Kingsley Royal (Reading)
6. Monty Magpie (Newcastle United)
7. Scrumpy the Robin (Bristol City)
8. Captain Gas (Bristol Rovers)
9. Captain Canary (Norwich City)
10. Peter Burrow (Peterborough United)

Name That Mascot

Way back in May 2006 we told you the sorry tale of Goleo VI, the mascot for the 2006 World Cup Finals that brought nothing but bankruptcy to his marketing company. Well now it's the turn of the 2008 European Championships to adopt a mascot, and I don't know how to tell you this, but you've just missed out on your chance to name it. I know - you must be feeling bitter, angry and frustrated.

I say 'it' - actually there's two of them, for those wonderful designers have created a pair of cartoon characters, both representing Austria and Switzerland, the co-hosts. The characters take the form of two masked boys, both sporting haircuts that bear an uncanny resemblance to an alpine mountain range (naturally enough). They wear red and white football kits featuring the numbers 20 and 08 (2008 - geddit?) and look like a cross between Sonic the Hedgehog and Dennis the Menace.

Had you visitied uefa.com recently, you'd have noticed that our two budding stars were the subject of a public vote to decide what their names should be ahead of the big competition. Three choices were available - Zagi and Zigi, Trix and Flix or Flitz and Bitz. I personally wanted to be able to enter my own option - Fitz and Startz - but sadly I was unable to.

Actually it's a tricky job trying to name mascots as is already being discovered by UEFA. One of the options mentioned above, Zigi means 'cigarette' in Switzerland which completely goes against the clean-air-breathing home of Phil Collins and Peter Ustinov. Maybe we should just call them Lambert and Butler and have done with it?

Got any suggestions that are better than the ones UEFA offered? Leave us a comment and tell us!

Unlucky mascot

So here's the res: there's a World Cup just around the corner and FIFA give you a call to make you, yes you, the designer that will create a mascot for the tournament. How are you going to do it and can you make it reach its full potential?

This was the situation faced by the people that created Goleo VI, the mascot for the 2006 World Cup in Germany.

And as you can see by clicking here, Goleo VI is a friendly looking lion, bedecked in football shirt, often accompanied by friend and talking football, Pille. (Who conjures up such images in their head we may never know...)

All well and good, perhaps, but it turns out that the German company that won the contract to make the little fluffy toy Goleos has now gone bankrupt. How could that be? Does the lion lack sufficient charm to make the kiddies of the world beg mercilessly for a toy just like him?

Well let's see... Goleo VI was designed by the Jim Henson Company, so straight-away it's got a high pedigree where amiable outsized members of the animal kingdom are concerned. But wait a minute: isn't the mascot supposed to have some connection with the nation it's representing? It's a lion, and forgive me for elbowing David Attenborough out of the way on this one, but I don't recall lions being indigenous to Germany? Their national symbol is the eagle, so why use a lion - especially when rivals England have three of them on their shirts?

Next, we witness our lion's attire. Very natty shirt he's wearing but wait a minute - no shorts?? What sort of message does that send out to the footballing community? The World Cup mascot's some sort of big, hairy pervert? Apparently so, if the German response was anything to go by.

The good folk of Germany apparently never quite took to Goleo VI when its identity became known. That's a shame, but you can't help thinking that these days designers are just trying that bit too hard.

Back in 1986 when the World Cup was held in Mexico, the mascot was a green chilli pepper called Piqué that sported a moustache and a sombrero. For the 1982 World Cup in Spain, the mascot was Naranjito - a smiling cartoon orange wearing the red and blue football kit of the home nation.

Simple. And just to rub salt in the wound, England started the whole thing back in 1966 with a lion mascot of its own - World Cup Willy - and what's more, he DID have the dignity to wear shorts (to say nothing of socks and boots too).

So take a tip all you designers out there: if the phone rings and it's someone from FIFA asking you to design a mascot, don't try and be clever. Grab a piece of fruit or a vegetable, draw a face on it and you'll be pretty much home and dry. But please - no Americanised members of the big cat family. And definitely no talking footballs.