Saturday 6th March
07:00 Kashima Antlers v Urawa Reds, J.League Football, British Eurosport 2
Start the weekend with a season opener. On the first day everyone is top of the table and has an equal chance of winning the league. Some, of course, have a more equal chance than others and Kashima Antlers begin the defense of their title against a Urawa team that finished in a disappointing 6th place. Eurosport is the home of Asian football and we can look forward to early morning encounters in the east throughout the Summer. Hurrah!
12:30 Portsmouth v Birmingham City, FA Cup Round 6, ITV1/HD
Meanwhile, back in the Motherland it's time for some red hot Cup action but before that, a quarter final between the worst team in the Premier League against the most dull. Bound to end in a 3-3 draw.
17:20 Fulham v Tottenham, FA Cup Round 6, ITV1/HD
Tie of the round. A local derby between two teams in good form. Will Redknapp's flamboyant Spurs beat the razor sharp finishing of Fulham? Ask Jim Beglin. He's bound to be there.
17:30 Wolves v Manchester Utd, Barclays Premier League, ESPN/HD
ESPN have been selling this game entirely on the basis of Wayne Rooney so let's hope for their sake he plays. Fergie may consider being a pixie and fielding a weakened team consisting largely of Wes Brown clones and Ben Foster. Michael Owen could make an appearance in a wheelchair pushed by his loving and devoted doormat Henry Winter. I'd like to see how the Premier League respond to that!
19:00 Almeria v Barcelona, La Liga, Sky Sports 3/HD3
So with the missus away for the weekend I have the place to myself. Rather than getting the hookers and gin in for the evening I thought I'd actually try and watch some Spanish Football. Something I hardly ever do.
21:00 Real Madrid v Sevilla, La Liga, Sky Sports 3/HD3
Although I may get bored and put a DVD on instead. I bought Downfall during the week so I can finally find out what Hitler actually says in that scene that's always being memed on Youtube. Maybe we should do one of those?
Sunday 7th March
11:30 Sparta Rotterdam v Ajax, Eredivisie, ESPN
"Hitler discovers it's his turn to write the previews when he'd planned to spend the day getting is haircut and filling out an application form." It's a bit niche I'll grant you but I digress.
13:15 Falkirk v Celtic, Scottish Premier League, Sky Sports 1/HD1
Apparently Tony Mowbray's going to get sacked because Celtic are ten points behind a team owned by a bank owned by the Britsh Government owned by some of Ken's mates, probably. Nothing short of a convincing win against the bottom club will hasten the manager's departure through the side entrance.
13:45 Reading v Aston Villa, FA Cup Round 6, ITV1/HD
Could Villa have lost the League Cup Final even against a 10-man United? It's possible. Now Martin O'Neil must take his deflated charges to bonkers Berkshire to face a Reading side who have rediscovered themselves and are keen to make up for lost time. Could be a season breaker.
15:30 Everton v Hull City, Barclays Premier League, Sky Sports 1/HD1
Hardly a classic but with capacity for unpredictability. Like any Premier League club, Hull have their moments and will be confident against an inconsistent Everton side struggling with injuries.
15:30 Dundee United v Hearts, Scottish Premier League, ESPN
A chance for United to go within three points of Celtic should things go badly at Parkhead earlier in the day.
16:00 Chelsea v Stoke City, FA Cup Round 6, ITV1/HD
Definitely winnable tie for the away side assuming they've not had the stuffing knocked out of them by Shawcross' tackle and sending off. Chelsea's defense has the appearance of a racing car that has run up a commanding lead but is running low on fuel and may not make it over the line.
18:00 Athletic Bilbao v Valladolid, La Liga, Sky Sports 1/HD1
After the breathlessness of the Cup, it's time for some post coital mid-table LagerLiga action. Both teams could use the points, Valladolid more so.
19:45 Inter Milan v Genoa, Serie A, ESPN
Inter aren't running away with it in Serie A after suffering some unexpected results against Napoli, Samp and Parma. There's no Champions League for them next week so no excuses at home to mid-table Genoa.
20:00 Zaragoza v Atletico Madrid, La Liga, Sky Sports 1/HD1
And finally, Zaragoza have a four point gap between themselves and the relegation zone. Meanwhile, Atletico don't win too many games on the road but are tough to beat. Draw it is, then.